My Testimony by Steve Rebus

Me  Sarah playing in Church

 My Testimony

by Steve Rebus

 

Broken


Psalm 116:3

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow.

Another day,


another attempt! ….Oct – Nov 2000 – Derby, England, UK


I kneel down in the centre of my living room. Tears stain the blade I hold to my chest. “Come on Steve, don’t fail again!  All you need to do is throw yourself forwards and thats it!”

 

I’d been doing this every morning for the last couple of months and still I waited, willing myself to do it. Then nudge…nudge.. my three month old Boxer dog “Bruce” pushed against my leg with his nose. His whimpering cries pierced my very soul. “He relied on me for everything and I had no idea I would be relying on a furry angel to help me through this dark period in my life.”


After three months of failed attempts I felt more useless than ever …. I couldn’t even manage the task of killing myself. I realised I  didn’t even have the strength to do this properly. I just didn’t know how I could get lower than this!!! –  I’d been registered blind at 25, after loosing my sight quite suddenly. in the same month my mum finally died after a 12 year debilitating and demoralizing struggle with progressive MS. Missing her added misery to my own struggle to come to terms with the isolation and insecurities of managing life with sight loss – I’d lost my job, my custom car, the ability to drive, my girlfriend, nearly all of my so called friends and now i have to struggle with countless problems and frustrations every day! 


My answer…. 


To throw myself into binge drinking, womanising, dark depression, and raw anger. I felt that this was what I had to look forwards to for the rest of my life.


Then I met Sarah…… July 2004 – Birmingham, UK


She wasn’t like the other girls I’d met. Sarah too had suffered sight loss and depression because of her uncontrollable type 1 diabetes but no matter how bad things got for her, she always had comfort in someone called “Jesus”. Oh no I thought not a Christian! She suffered all of my taunts, jibes and nasty comments but worst of all my coldness and my inability to show love. I made it a personal challenge to show her that everyone will let you down and no one can be trusted or faithful! I felt that if I could make her hurt as much as I did then she’d hate this Jesus and know that he wasn’t real!


Then HE came to visit ME….


Hope


Psalm 116:4

Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Lord, save me!”


I’d seen a guitarist called Eric Bibb on the music show ‘Later with Jooles Holland’ and called Sarah up to see if she had heard of him too. She hadn’t but as a lovely gift she booked tickets to go and see him in London. I’d only ever been to Metal concerts before so i didn’t know what to expect.


It was Eric Bibb’s “Friends” tour and when Eric started the song “Needed Time” and sang the words:


“I’m down on my bended knees, I’m on my knees, praying want you come back, come back here?

Even if you don’t stay long, oh my Jesus, If you don’t stay long, I’m praying, Come back here.

Singing Right now is the needed time, I know you feel the needed time right now. Bless us!”


This was the moment when I asked Jesus to save me saying “I can’t fight any more. i’ve not got the strength to kill myself and i havn’t got the will to live, so please help me!”


From that moment something happened inside me and I felt an outpouring of my entire being.  My heart seemed to momentarily clear itself of all the darkness, hatred and anger that I’d filled it with replacing this with pure love. I couldn’t stop my river of tears for the rest of the show.


February 2013 – Now and into the future – Surrey, UK


Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.


My eyes are filling with tears as I write this section. I just can’t believe I’m sat here typing this. If it was up to me than I’d be dead. I’d have missed God’s amazing grace and a living relationship with Jesus along with the countless blessings I simply didn’t know existed! He’s transformed me in so many ways and I’m no longer held captive by drinking, swearing, anger, lack of compassion and self loathing, along with much much more.  I’m also getting a long way to overcoming my ever big struggle with over eating.

 

Two Souls Entwine…..

 

Our most blessed day! A photo of me and Sarah lovingly looking at each other at Bourne Hall.

 

I‘ve been married to Sarah for nearly six years now and I’m really struggling to put how I feel into words! My heart overflows with love for her. She has encouraged, inspired and loved me and is the sunshine that warms me along my journey. 


My love of music….


Me playing my Taylor Macasser Ebony

 

Since being registered blind I’ve learned to play the drums and guitar. This is amazing in itself but being able to play alongside Sarah every Sunday to assist myself and others in worship is just mind blowing. I play in two church buildings – drumming in the morning and playing guitar in the evening and I feel so blessed to be able to come before God and thank him with the gifts he’s given me. Gifts that give me great joy too!

 

Blind Photographer???


Me taking a photo with Sony

 

“You don’t need sight to see, you need vision“


“I strongly believe that Disability doesn’t have to mean inability or lack of creative talent!”


I used to enjoy photography when I was sighted, taking and developing photos in my Dad’s darkroom, When I lost most my sight 13 years ago I thought this would put a stop to my hobby but I have learned that my camera can act as my eyes allowing me to see what my own eyes will not.

 

I am proud of the fact that I have been able to produce photographs despite my visual impairment– and like to think that although I may have lost my useful sight I have not lost my vision and instinct for a good photograph. (see Blind Photographer)

 

My Hope


Jeremiah 29:11-13 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

 My hope is that my short testimony will help those who feel lost in despair and no longer want to choose life. I know that there really is HOPE and God has a plan for your life as he has for mine. He simply wants to love you and welcome you home. 


Luke 15:32

The Message (MSG)

This is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he’s alive! He was lost, and he’s found!’”

 
If you have any questions please Contact Me
 
© Steve Rebus. Feel free to use photos, excerpts and links, Could you please just link back here and/or let me know, as I would be interested to see what creative work you have done! Thanks 😀
 

About Steve Rebus

Christian, Blind photographer, husband, plays guitar and drums. Loves researching accessible apps and technology.

72 Responses to “My Testimony by Steve Rebus”

  1. Had me in tears as I read this Steve, even though I already knew a bit of your story. It’s a joy to.know you and to play alongside you in one of your two churches. Good to see & be around someone who’s “walking the walk.” Phil G.

    • Thanks Phil! It’s such a blessing to have a huge Christian family to help encourage, Love & teach us as we travel through this amazing journey together! It is my honour to play alongside such gifted musicians who have a heart for worship! I keep adding sections to this Testimony(i added a section on my Blind Photography yesterday) so please keep reading and sharing as it grows! Thanks 😀

  2. that has been quite a journey… the unfolding of God’s plan always is. May you know peace and joy in abundance as you go forth with God.

    • Wow, thanks ena for the encouragement! Yes it’s been quite a journey so far, and the blessings keep pouring in! I think it is amazing how the Christian family can come together around the world to share their stories and encouragement through our blogs! God bless you. 😀

  3. Oh my goodness, after reading this I am so emotionally hopeful. I am so pleased that you decided to honor and obey God by following me. Thank you!!

  4. Praise God Brother! Thank You for sharing your powerful testimony and Glory to God for His saving Grace, Mercy and Love!!

    “And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death…”
    Revelation 12:11

  5. I am so blessed to have red this today. Your life is a testimony to Jesus drawing us near. My husband came closer to the Lord through music. He came home one day (about 7 years ago) and took all of his Metal music to the used CD store and sold them. He took the little money he received for a ton of CDs and bought CDs by Christians. God used it to draw my husband nearer. He even started a ministry, 7Cubed, for Christians who use their art and talent for the Lord – even if just in hobbies. We should all use our gifts and talents for God. That is why he bestows them upon us. God bless you as your use yours Steve! So gald we connected on the blogosphere.

    • It would be awesome if I had typed “read this today” instead of “red this today.” The spelling of “read” would be helpful. Ha Ha! I have been writing a lot today!

    • Heather, your words warm my heart as always. It’s amazing to hear about your husband getting rid of his Metal cd’s as I got rid of my cd’s and cleaned up my iTunes library. Since then I have found some great Christian Metal bands and i am in charge of the music playlists at our Church youth club, so I have to search for music with a positive message yet be good for all ages! There are some great Christian music out there in all Genres! The Ministry your husband started sounds fantastic and I will have to go and check it out! God bless you and your family! 😀

      • Steve,
        It is amazing how God works through everything, isn’t it! What a wonderful thing you are doing for your youth club. God will bless it I am sure!
        We have not been able to keep up as much as we want with the 7Cubed ministry – well actually God took us on a journey to spread our territory even more and the valleys were deep and wide. However, we know He will pick it back up again with momentum. You can check it out at http://www.7Cubed.org – and it is 7Cubed on Facebook. We have done band interviews – and other types of artists have been featured on it as well. Just giving Glory to God for using our talents and skills that He has gifted to each of us – that is what 7Cubed is all about. God bless you and your family!
        Heather

  6. Words cannot express , thank you for sharing. L:)

  7. Thanks for reading and following my blog, Steve! You have an amazing story, and it warmed my heart to read about you. May God continue to bless you as you grow in Him and find new ways to serve. Connie

    • Thanks so much. I’ve been amazed and deeply touched by the comments i’ve received on here. Your blog is fantastic and thanks again for stopping by! God bless you! 😀

  8. What a beautiful story and testimony, Steve. I find myself thanking God for the wonderful way He had worked in you and through you. God bless you and Sarah.
    Thank you for visiting my blog. I am honored. 🙂

  9. What a beautiful story and powerful testimony. Reading your story, I found myself thanking and praising God for the wonderful things that He worked in and through your life. God bless you and Sarah.
    Thank you for visiting my blog. I am honored. 🙂

    • Wow, thank you so much! The honour is all mine, your blog is fantastic and i will enjoy following it into the future! Thanks again for the lovely kind words of blessing! God bless you. 😀

    • Thank you so much! I thank God everyday for the life he has given me when i just wanted to throw it away!
      I am blessed to have found you on here! 😀

  10. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I was really encouraged by your testimony. It’s so great to see how great God works in our lives. It reminds me of his love and clears me of doubt. Thanks so much for persevering and fighting the good fight! I look forward to reading more!

    • Thank you so much for this lovely comment and for taking time to have a look around my blog. God bless you! 😀 Doubt starts to dissolve when we love and trust the one who gives us Grace. Thanks again for your fellowship.

  11. Amazing testimony of the transformational power of the Lord. He meets us where we are and takes us where He needs us to be in order to fulfill the plans He has for us. Your story is inspiring and and encouraging for anyone who has ever felt alone or depressed. God’s timing is perfect and He put Sarah in your life at just the right time. May the Lord continue to bless both of you.

    • Shelly, wow! Thanks for stopping by my blog and for this encouraging comment. Your teachings are amazing and i read and wait for everyone to come and inspire me! I can’t describe how blessed i am to have met and share my life with Sarah. Also i love the fellowship on here and how we can pray, encourage and challenge each other through living the journey! Thanks again for taking precious time to check out my story. Shalom in Christ.

  12. Wow…amazing story…god bless u dear..thanks for visiting my blog 🙂

  13. You have come to share your story and you, my brother in Christ, is a gift form God. I’m so glad you have opened your heart and soul to God. No such thing as blindness, I may have sight but sometimes, I am blinded by my own fear. You are a living testimony. Thank you for coming into my site, otherwise, it would be awhile before our path would cross. Steve, Peace be with you. Perpetua.

    • Perpetua, thanks so much for your amazing words of encouragement! The eyes of my heart have been truly opened and i am simply in awe with the forgiveness, transformation and love i am being blessed with. I hope this blog will encourage and inspire people to know the love, grace & transformation that is waiting in knowing Jesus! Thanks again for taking the time to check out my blog and for being a loving sister in Christ. God bless you! 😀

  14. Hello Steve, my Brother in Christ!
    I am encouraged tonight, after reading this. Your testimony is beautiful, your honesty is refreshing. You have honored oabchurch with your presence and we are humbled that you are now following our blog. Thank you so much for sharing your story. May the Lord continue to bless you and your beautiful wife Sarah. May He continue to use you both in ways you never knew possible. God bless you.

    • Thank you so much for the comment and for taking time to check out my story. Your blog is amazing and i look forwards to following and having a look around. God bless you

  15. Thanks so much by visiting my blog! I am blessed because it gave me an opportunity to meet you through your testimony… keep sharing that message of hope!

    • Thank you so much for the lovely comment and for following my blog. Its great to share the hope, love and truth through our stories with each other and encourage the sisters and brothers in Christ on this amazing journey! God bless you and your family, i look forwards to following your blog into the future! 😀

  16. He loves us so much Steve….I called out in desperation too and HE gives that gift freely when we are ready to surrender to Him. Thank you Jesus for the new life You have given Steve. Bless his barns, the work of his hands, the relationships he has and the ones You will bring. Shower Your goodness to him and Sarah for ALL that they will do for You!!

    • Amazing! Thank you so much for this lovely comment and for sharing how Jesus saved you too! I love the way the body of Christ can united on here and show love & encouragement! I feel so blessed to get to know you and my other sisters in Christ on here. I will look forwards to following your blog too! God bless you! 😀

  17. I am inspired by your testimony and reminded that we overcome by the “blood of the Lamb, the word of our testimony and not loving our own lives until death”…sounds like you, brother! Your testimony increased my faith today. Thanks for sharing.

    • Wow this comment just blew me away! God is so amazing how he can use my little story and help your faith journey. I just love how the sisters & brothers in Christ are uniting in love and encouraging each other as we walk this incredible walk of wonder! Thanks for the likes, comments & following my blog of how Jesus saved me. God bless you. 😀

  18. Just read the parable of the Lost Sheep in Bible Study today. Christ our Good Shepherd kept on searching for you and never gave up till He found you. Praise God He did! May you continue to share the Good news in word, song and photos. Thanks for stopping and following my blog “What the Good Word?” Will be keeping an eye on yours! Blessings!

  19. Loved your testimony and story and have tweeted this out there in Twitter Land.. A powerful and truly touching story! “My Testimony by Steve Rebus” http://t.co/KojyAnVZVE
    Hope it brings you many readers! God bless you!

  20. very moving story you have dear..God bless you and hope you find happiness and your true purpose in life 🙂

  21. Thanks for sharing your testimony. I love that you still live and enjoy life and not let it make you cower in a corner. You inspire me and many people. I’m so impressed you are a blind photographer! Thanks for dropping by my blog.

  22. Reblogged this on shaynroby and commented:
    Jeremiah 29: 11: Indeed God does have a hope and a future for us.

  23. Thank you so much for sharing this awesome and inspiring testimony, Steve! Reading this was the perfect faith-builder to start the week with. God bless you and your wife.

  24. Steve,
    Thank you for following my blog and leading me to your story. We all have a story. God unfolds are lives like flowers. Patience is key. You have to get the weeds out of the garden so to speak, and tend the flower…your life needs The Son, The water of the Holy Spirit, and the soil of Christian Community. I am very encouraged by your post! I am mentoring a young woman right now who doesn’t believe in Jesus and is struggling with depression. God brought us together. I know it. Please pray for her to see the light and love of Jesus. He heals in a way that is profound.

    I am pleased to hear that you found a help meet in your wife. I’m blessed with special God given man also. Loving one another is shat Jesus had in mind. Loving Him as well of course.

    So if you’re blind and photographing, blogging, and making music…I know that I can learn to play the guitar my husband bought for me back in 2010. Three years later is sits. I dream of playing praise music for my family. God is good. I’ll pray on that dream too. Blessings to you and your wife! Excellent testimony! Jennifer

  25. Unbelievable achievements in the circumstances, Steve. Thank you for reaching out.

    • Thanks so much! I am still amazed at the life i have now which i was so willing to throw away! I thank God everyday for the life he gives me. Thanks for checking out my blog, and for taking the time to read this testimony! God bless you. 😀

  26. Welcome! Thank you for subscribing to follow my blog. I hope you are encouraged, inspired and enjoy the photos I take of life’s events as seen through the lens of my camera. Looking forward to following you as well.
    BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!

  27. there was a point in my life where death perched on my shoulder like a parrot everyday. I didn’t push her away or embrace her but found she inspired me to find a deeper meaning in my spirituality. Then love found me too and death flew away.

    • Wow, I love this, thanks for stopping by and leaving this great comment. It’s great to see you here and i’m blessed to have met you on my journey! God bless you! 🙂

  28. Glad you’re still around, Steve. You’re in my prayers.

  29. GOD is amazing and he is using you to help make bring people to their knees for Jesus! I

  30. I agree with the others. Wow! Such a moving testimony so full of hope and grace, Steve. You are a testimony of the truth that our God is the God of the “instead.” He gives us beauty for ashes, joy instead of sorrow, hope instead of hopelessness. And out of the darkness of your pain and despair you have become His beacon of bright light and hope for many others.

    And I’m so happy for you and Sarah. God is so good. Many more blessings to you both. You are God’s treasure!

    I really like your photos too! 🙂

    • Wow, i’m speechless! Love this comment and so humbled by it. Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving such a loving, inspiring & encouraging comment.
      God bless you and your family! 🙂

  31. Steve,
    I came across your blog today when I noticed that I had received a “like” from you on one of my writings. I am new to this stuff, so each “like” is very exciting to me! What a blessing it was to then go to your spot and read this wonderful testimony. You, my brother, are a tremendous blessing and encouragement. I pray that God will continue to bless you and your marriage. I pray for God to continue to open doors for you to minister to others as well. Looking forward to the day when we can see each other in Glory! Chuck

  32. Hi Steve! Just wanted to say thank you for checking out my blog. You have an amazing testimony! May God continue to bless you and your family.

    • Awww thanks so much for stopping by and checking out how God is transforming my life!
      I’m looking forwards to spending more time on your blog too!
      God bless you. 🙂

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