My Testimony


Me  Sarah playing in Church

 My Testimony

by Steve Rebus

 

Broken…


Psalm 116:3

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow.



another day, another attempt! ….



Oct – Nov 2000 – Derby, England, UK


I kneel down in the centre of my living room. Tears stain the blade I hold to my chest. “Come on Steve, don’t fail again!  All you need to do is throw yourself forwards and thats it!”

I’d been doing this every morning for the last couple of months and still I waited, willing myself to do it. Then nudge…nudge.. my three month old Boxer dog “Bruce” pushed against my leg with his nose. His whimpering cries pierced my very soul. “He relied on me for everything and I had no idea I would be relying on a furry angel to help me through this dark period in my life.”


After a few months of failed attempts I felt more useless than ever …. I couldn’t even manage the task of killing myself. I realised I  didn’t even have the strength to do this properly. I just didn’t know how I could get lower than this!!! –  I’d been registered blind at 25, after loosing my sight quite suddenly. in the same month my mum finally died after a 12 year debilitating and demoralizing struggle with progressive MS. Missing her added misery to my own struggle to come to terms with the isolation and insecurities of managing life with sight loss – I’d lost my job, my custom car, the ability to drive, my girlfriend, nearly all of my so called friends and now i have to struggle with countless problems and frustrations every day! 


My answer…. 


To throw myself into binge drinking, womanising, dark depression, and raw anger. I felt that this was what I had to look forwards to for the rest of my life.


Then I met Sarah…… July 2004 – Birmingham, UK


She wasn’t like the other girls I’d met. Sarah too had suffered sight loss and depression because of her uncontrollable type 1 diabetes but no matter how bad things got for her, she always had comfort in someone called “Jesus”. Oh no I thought not a Christian! She suffered all of my taunts, jibes and nasty comments but worst of all my coldness and my inability to show love. I made it a personal challenge to show her that everyone will let you down and no one can be trusted or faithful! I felt that if I could make her hurt as much as I did then she’d hate this Jesus and know that he wasn’t real!


Then HE came to visit ME….



Hope…


Psalm 116:4

Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Lord, save me!”


I’d seen a guitarist called Eric Bibb on the music show ‘Later with Jooles Holland’ and called Sarah up to see if she had heard of him too. She hadn’t but as a lovely gift she booked tickets to go and see him in London. I’d only ever been to Metal concerts before so i didn’t know what to expect.


It was Eric Bibb’s “Friends” tour and when Eric started the song “Needed Time” and sang the words:


“I’m down on my bended knees, I’m on my knees, praying want you come back, come back here?

Even if you don’t stay long, oh my Jesus, If you don’t stay long, I’m praying, Come back here.

Singing Right now is the needed time, I know you feel the needed time right now. Bless us!”


This was the moment when I asked Jesus to save me saying “I can’t fight any more. i’ve not got the strength to kill myself, and i havn’t got the strength to live, so please save me!”


From that moment something happened inside me and I felt an outpouring of my entire being.  My heart seemed to momentarily clear itself of all the darkness, hatred and anger that I’d filled it with replacing this with pure love. I couldn’t stop my river of tears for the rest of the show.


February 2013 – Now and into the future – Surrey, UK


Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.


My eyes are filling with tears as I write this section. I just can’t believe I’m sat here typing this. If it was up to me than I’d be dead.


I realised i’d be spending eternity in Hell for breaking all of God’s laws and being found guilty on judgement day without a Saviour. I’d have missed God’s amazing grace, mercy and living relationship with Jesus.


After 12 years of growing in the knowledge of Him, the one who loved me so much he’d die for me on the cross in my place, so that i can be forgiven for all of my sinsand have everlasting life if i just repent of all of my shameful sin that nailed him to the cross in the first place, and trust in Him alone for my salvation.


I still fail to express in words how Jesus is constantly changing me day to day now im a new creation, born again into His Kingdom. Ive been given a new heart with new desires. The loneliness that fuelled my dark depression and suicide  attemptshas gone! I can never be alone now i have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, don’t ask me how but i never feel alone at all.

 

Two Souls Entwine…..

 

Our most blessed day! A photo of me and Sarah lovingly looking at each other at Bourne Hall.

 

I‘ve been married to Sarah for 9 years now and I’m really struggling to put how I feel into words! My heart overflows with love for her. She has encouraged, inspired and loves me in spite of all my faults, she is the sunshine that warms me along my journey. I really don’t have the words to fully express how blessed i am to have my best friend as my wife to cherish and share every moment of this amazing life!

 

Ephesians 5:25-27 The Voice (VOICE)

Husbands, you must love your wives so deeply, purely, and sacrificially that we can understand it only when we compare it to the love the Anointed One has for His bride, the church. We know He gave Himself up completely to make her His own, washing her clean of all her impurity with water and the powerful presence of His word. He has given Himself so that He can present the church as His radiant bride, unstained, unwrinkled, and unblemished—completely free from all impurity—holy and innocent before Him.

Each time our wedding anniversary comes round, i can’t believe how much our marriage has grown more and more fruitful. Our love keeps blossoming through every season and i thank God for Sarah who is not only my best friend, but my amazing wife! 🙂

I thank God for sustaining our marriage in Purity and Truth.

I thank God for not leaving us alone to figure out what to do, but for giving us, teaching, correction, training and a perfect Holy example to follow…to reflect the personal and intimate union between Christ and His Church. The mystery of marriage is its reflection of the oneness of Christ, the Husband, and His Church, the Bride of Christ.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Amplified Bible

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].

Love never fails…

I thank God everyday for Sarah as i know i don’t deserve her, but God never seems to stop expressing His love! 🙂 


Chords for the Lord….


Click immage to view my songs & poems

Since being registered blind I’ve learned to play the drums and guitar. This is amazing in itself but being able to play alongside Sarah every Sunday to assist myself and others in worship is just mind blowing. I feel so blessed to be able to come before God and thank him with the gifts he’s given me. 


I also enjoy writing/composing on guitar as a way of expressing some of the feelings i’ve experienced and felt through my life. 

 

Here is a Song/Poem called “Captivity of Negativity” taken from my 🎸Songs/Poems page…

 

I’d like to start this section with the song i wrote about some of the feelings that held me captive when i lost my sight at 25!

  

Captivity of Negativity

 

Is it time to let me out? Because its getting dark in here. Although I shout, no one can hear. I’ve got the time, Yet I stay in here, My outward tear, Shows my inner fear.

 

My own personal Hell, Trapped inside myself, I aint got no place to hide. Caught in my own spell, With no soul to sell, I feel Ive missed the ride….. Ive missed the ride.

 

They’ve tried pulling a rake across my brain, but they cant find the brake For this runaway train. You say I must be strong, but I don’t belong, All my pain, Seems to feed the reign.

 

I used to stand so tall, I thought I’d never fall, I’m trying not to cry, Curled up in a ball Trying to get so small, So I don’t have to live this lie, I want to die.

 

See more of my 🎸Songs/Poems:

 

 

Blind Photographer???


Me taking a photo with Sony

 

“You don’t need sight to see, you need vision“


“I strongly believe that Disability doesn’t have to mean inability or lack of creative talent!”


I used to enjoy photography when I was sighted, taking and developing photos in my Dad’s darkroom, When I lost most my sight 15 years ago I thought this would put a stop to my hobby but I have learned that my camera can act as my eyes allowing me to see what my own eyes will not.

 

I am proud of the fact that I have been able to produce photographs despite my visual impairment– and like to think that although I may have lost my useful sight I have not lost my vision and instinct for a good photograph.

View my new Rebus Photography Blog to check out my photo galleries & upcoming exhibitions.

 


My Hope…

 

If there is someone reading this who is overwhelmed by guilt, shame,  loneliness or is experiencing the creeping death called depression, then I’d just like to give them hope. The hope that although you may feel that no one cares and that there’s nothing to live for anymore, there’s no pit too deep that God won’t reach down and lift you out of. Growing up no-one told me about Jesus and the Gospel of Good news, Sarah was the first to explain it to me so i’d love for  this blog to be a shining light in a dark tunnel

He wants a living relationship with you starting right now!

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or how utterly worthless you feel; He wants to reconcile your broken relationship to him. To give you new life, Hope, His peace, value and meaning that you’re craving for. 

 

Please Contact Me if you have any questions or just want a chat, i’d love to hear from you!

445 Responses to “My Testimony”

  1. Steve, I love your honest sharing. You and Sarah are an encouragement and blessing to so many. Very glad God brought you through the darkness into His light, so that now can pour into our lives with your amazing gifts. Thanks

  2. Wow! What a story! So glad you found strength, hope and transformation in Christ!

  3. Dear Steve, I’ve always appreciated you and your blog, but today I took the time to read you testimony. It is powerful. Thank you for sharing and may God continue to bless your life and ministry. You are an inspiration to me.

  4. Hey steve, God bless you. I left a msg for you about possibly doing an article on you for GodReports.com. I don’t know if you saw it. I never got a notification in my blog. Or maybe I missed it. In any case, reach me at theashcraftsgt@yahoo.com to let me know if it’s ok to do the article. God bless!

  5. It was a blessing to read your story. God certainly is no respecter of persons. Your testimony inspired me. Keep going for God my friend.

  6. Loved reading about your story Steve and I am so thankful you saw God reaching out to you to save you. You are inspiring to say the least and God bless you and your precious bride.

    • Wow, thanks Tim! It’s such a blessing that you’ve taken precious time to read how God has started his work, and is continuing to transform me until it’s complete in Glory! 🙂

      It’s great to meet another brother in Christ here too. Thanks for your encouragements. God bless you. 🙂

  7. Your life and post are truly an inspiration and also a testimony to Jesus and what he can do! I’m so happy for you that you gave your heart, including all the disappointments, to Jesus! May the Lord Jesus continue to bless you and your family!

Any thoughts? I'd love to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: