“I’ve never seen so clearly since going blind” 20 Years Of Sight-loss!

Me playing my Taylor K22ce at church and in front of a cross on the wall

Hi friends. As it is 20 years to the day since i went blind…I thought i’d share one of my older posts(yet updated) from 4 years ago when i was asked to share a little of what i went through when i lost my sight at 24.

I really hope that you’ll have the time to read it, and that it blesses you in some small way?! 

Here Goes…

I was asked by our Minister Nik if i would share my Testimony in the parade service. The theme was ‘Faith through Adversity’, Nik said “i can ask you some straight forward questions, it will only take about 5 minutes(or so we thought)” “Yeah, ok, if you think it will help?”.

Sunday 8th May 2016…

Walking into the church building Sunday morning, it was quite full, as it was parade service, the scouts and other uniformed groups were there, but Nik found us seats at the front, then showed me up the steps and where i’d stand to speak, after testing the microphone i remembered the steps and sat back down. 

As i’m blind, i can’t use any notes, so i spent a little time trying to etch some answer headings into my mind, hoping i’d not veer too far off track. I then prayed that i’d use this time to Glorify Him, as i talked about the Truth that sets us free, and how i’m not ashamed of the Gospel, it’s the power of God unto Salvation to all who believe…please make it real(be careful praying this, lol).

It;s time…

Steve, we are looking at people who have showed faith in difficult circumstances and I have asked you to share some of your story with us.

Many people here, even those who have seen you around at various church events may not know that you are blind.

My Testimony…

Nik stood next to me at the microphone and started with the first 2 questions:

Have you always been blind? How and when did you loose your sight?

I explained i’d been fully sighted until i was 24, and after 2 brain haemorrhages(March – July 2000) that burst my optic nerve, i’m now registered blind and have Severe Hypertensive Retinopathy.

“How did that change your life?”

I said “I can only scratch the surface this morning, but if ever you see me walking around here or in town, please ask me anything. But now i’ll try and sketch you a quick picture and give you a flavour of what happened…”

“I went to the gym 6-7 days a week, played football most evenings and was quite violent, acting the tough guy.  I wasn’t a Christian, i hadn’t been born again, or even been inside a church building…so…As i stepped out of the eye consultants office after being told i’d be blind for the rest of my life, it was out of character but i collapsed on the floor sobbingg my eyes out. And as my crying out got a little too loud they pulled me into a small empty room….And this was the easy bit”.

“Following this was pure isolation… all my football mates left me, i lost my job, my car and ability to do anything…i lost everything, i was completely broken, and on top of that i was left to my acusing thoughts “Nobody wants you, you’re useless now, unwanted, rejected, unloved and unlovable!!”

Suddenly, as i was telling my story…

My mouth was silenced, an image of Jesus in Glory(Revelation 1) filled my mind, it was so clear(not blurred by my blindness) I could see His flaming eyes of judgment…then…the image changed, it was Jesus on the cross, now His eyes were filled with Mercy, Compassion & Grace, and while looking down straight at me he said “I did this for you, so that you can live. I…LOVE…YOU!!!

I started sobbing uncontrollably, and it took a couple of minutes for me to try and start talking again….but more sobbing…i was completely undone. But these tears were different!

I already knew He’d given His life so i could live. He’d come down so far to save me it is immeasurable. His blood washed me clean, white as snow. He’s forgiven me all my sins, past, present and future, and there is no more condemnation for me, it is finished!

I’d been  praying for so long for God to “Break my heart for what broke His” and sang the songs many times, but rarely had i caught a glimpse of the true cost of His Love, and His free gift of Grace to those who Repent and Believe in Him. I knew He wanted me to share the True Gospel to people listening(and now reading), as it alone is the only Hope. It is the Power of God unto Salvation for anyone that believes.

Still sobbing, i continued…

My every word was a different pitch but i said “My pit was so dark, my accusing thoughts were too heavy, and this led to a daily cycle of waking up and trying to kill myself…failing, which made me feel worse…then drinking so much i could drown them out for the rest of the day, until i woke the next day, then it started again. 

I didn’t have the strength to kill myself, and i didn’t have the strength to live…i was without God, and without Hope!

Nik, who’s hand was rested on my shoulder asked question 4 “I know you were deeply unhappy at the time, what changed that?”

The world followed it’s pattern and sent me to Counselling, then Psychotherapy & finally Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, they didn’t work, they all had no answer for me, they couldn’t reach far enough down to pull me out. I needed a Saviour, I needed the light of the Gospel! 

The Good News & Lovely Sarah

Meeting Sarah changed my life! I have no idea how she’s put up with me. She’s  been so patient and long suffering as i tried attacking her Faith and this Jesus! But she kept on loving me. Sarah always seemed to have a rock to stand on no matter how bad things got for her, and i was being dragged deeper into the sinking sand. She always had this Blessed Hope that i didn’t,

Jesus worked through Sarah to shine the light of the Gospel, the Good News i was dying for. 

Words failed me as i was trying to describe how much i love Sarah, so when my mind filled with thoughts of how far we’ve grown together in love…i broke down again. 

The sobbing was still making me pause every few words, but mentioned Jesus doesn’t want to see anyone perish, but he pursues you, He has come to seek and save that which is lost. He loves you and no matter how bad or hopeless you think you are, He’ll keep coming with His free gift of Salvation!

Nik asked Question 5 “some people would say that your life must be worse now, would you agree with them?”

I’d gone way over my time slot, and i was almost pulled away from the mic as i was so overwhelmed…BUT i knew these tears were not about me, or my losses. I had 1 focus and that was to share the Truth that sets us free. I had no feeling of sorrow or pain. I knew it must have seemed like this to the congregation, and i thought they’d stick me in a counselling room when i’d finished!

The Holy Spirit was filling me like never before, and made the Power of the Gospel so real to me i almost exploded.

I continued “I wouldn’t agree with anyone who thinks(or measures) life by how good our circumstances are. I’d lead them to 2 Corinthians 4 & 5 where it talks about living by Faith, not by Sight, and now that we are born again in the Spirit, we should walk by the Spirit. Not living for things that are seen which are temporary(like my sight loss), but living for the unseen which is Eternal”

“I used to hate this song, but now i’d play it every service if i could…have you heard Amazing Grace, the Chris Tomlin version? If you pass me in the street you’ll normally hear me singing or humming these words:”

“Amazing grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind, but now I see. My chains are gone I’ve been set free. My God, my Saviour has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns. Unending love, amazing grace”.

“I’ve never seen so clearly since going blind” This is one of my fave sayings. 😀 

Nik then walked me back to my seat next to Sarah. The church was completely silent, it had been silent since i first started sobbing. I could feel Sarah was upset as she didn’t react for a while, then she said “People kept on running up and passing me tissues”. Nik sat down next to Sarah, and Sarah said “You’re not borrowing him again to speak”. 

After the service people came over and said they really connected with the things i said, although i think everyone thinks i’m back in dark depression again, lol.

He showed me the reality and Power of transformation in His Gospel, and how vital it is to share it, as Jesus is the  Way, the Truth and the Life and no-one gets to  the Father but by Him. He’s the forgiver of Sins, breaker of chains, and the only Salvation for Eternal Life in Heaven.

John 3:14-21 New King James Version (NKJV)

14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, 15 that whoever believes in Him should not perish but[a] have eternal life. 16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

18 “He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. 19 And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20 For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. 21 But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.”

I felt i needed to share this post to try and explain a little more of what was happening to me, and maybe reach out to someone who is struggling with the creeping death called Depression,or who is just simply lost and without God, and without Hope.

Related Post: My Full Testimony 

About Steve Rebus

✞Follower of Christ, Husband, Guitarist, Drummer, Photographer....Oh and i'm also Blind too! 😀

25 Responses to ““I’ve never seen so clearly since going blind” 20 Years Of Sight-loss!”

  1. Your story is truly inspiring. Especially: ““I wouldn’t agree with anyone who measures) life by how good our circumstances are.” I was born “legally blind” with a condition known as naistagmus. It is sweet to fellowship with one who understands.

  2. Thanks for sharing this, Steve. Truly Christ is the only one who makes us new in Christ Jesus!

  3. Thanks for sharing your amazing testimony!

  4. Hello, Steve, I’m very pleased to meet you.

    • Hi there…So pleased to meet you too. Thank you so much for spending time to read this pretty long post, and for commenting to say hi! 😀

      Hope you’re staying well during this challenging time?

      God bless you, Steve

  5. Thanks Steve. Yes I am. So far in my first week of self isolation I have kept enjoyably busy and in actual fact it has been delightful. I hope that I can still say this in another week, or month or however long it takes. I hope that you and Sarah are coping well also

  6. Steve. Wow. One of my favourite posts. This amazing, uplifting, truthful story fills me with belief and happiness. Happiness because a very sad and unimaginable beginning could have such a beautiful and touching ending. Thanks for sharing. Lyn

    • Lyn, thank you so much for your kind, inspiring and encouraging words, I’m truly humbled. 😀

      🙏🏻 How are you? Are you staying well & faithful during these challenging times?

  7. I read your post aloud to my family. It was so good, I wanted to share it with them all. Thank you for sharing your story. Truly our Jesus is incredible!

    • Wow! As soon as i read this comment, i ran over to Sarah and told her that you’d read my post out loud to your family! This truly amazes me and i thank you so much for sharing! 😀

      His ways are far above ours…I thank God for using my blindness and situations to glorify Him!

      🙏🏻 How are you? Are you staying well & faithful during these challenging times?

      • Indeed, His ways are amazing and I am humbled and thankful for all He is doing in our lives.
        To answer you, we are blessed by knowing Jesus is in control. Yes, we are remaining steadfast to the Lord. Like Peter, where else could we go? 🙂 My health has been poor for over a year now so I’ve been in isolation at home. My sweet family has been such a blessing and comfort. I praise God for all His blessings!
        I pray you and Sarah stay healthy and blessed.

  8. I am sharing this on my Facebook page. What a wonderful example of God’s love and power. You and your wife are beautiful. God bless.

    • Hi Donna! Thank you so much for sharing this post on Facebook, i really hope it gets to bless more people. It really is amazing how God uses simple stories to reach out across the world…Always humbles and blows my mind at the same time, lol! 😀

      Not sure about me…But Sarah is incredible. She is beautiful inside and out!

      🙏🏻 Sorry if i’ve already asked you, but i’m asking anyone i’m in contact with, lol. How are you? Are you staying well & faithful during these challenging times?

      • Yqw. Isn’t it just so amazing how God uses us? Our weaknesses become His strength in us. He is awesome.
        That’s wonderful that you feel that way about Sarah. If there is such a thing as a Christian magazine, I can just envision you and her on it. You both are a beautiful representation of the perfect couple. Just so touching to see the love you have for each other.
        Yes to staying well and faithful. I love the Lord with all of my heart. He has been so good to me, carrying me through alot of trials. Idk where I would be without Him. Lost for sure! Thank God He has picked me up and helped me through it all. I give Him all the glory!
        Praying that you are well also. God keep His hand on and over your family, in Jesus name, your sister in Christ, Donna

  9. I had the time and was truly blessed, Gods timing as ever is perfect. Only this morning queuing up at Asda to go in shopping, I had the pleasure of talking to two people who I have never met before and had the chance to tell them of my story how i became a believer in the living God. Part of that story was my fighting and brawling when younger for my upbringing had shut my ability to reason in jail, so the only way I knew how to tackle someone who didn’t agree with me was with my fists. I hope in the future all will be slowly revealed on my site. Bless you.

    • Aww thanks for sharing a little of your story and i can’t wait to hear more of how God has(and is) working in your life!! 😀

      Thanks also for sharing about your shopping experience and being able to tell people about how God works in everyday life.

      🙏🏻 How are you? Are you staying well & faithful during these challenging times?

  10. Wow. Just wow. God bless you and keep you and shine his countenance upon you. 🙏

  11. Steve, your testimony is powerful. Love how Jesus came to you and changed your life, using Sarah. Jesus paid the price so none of us would perish, but all inherit eternal life! Thank you for sharing.

    • Amen. Thank you so much for reading and leaving such an encouraging comment as always! 😀

      How are you? Are you staying well & faithful during these challenging times? 🙏🏻

      • You are welcome, Steve.

        I am doing well and faithful. God is calling me to let all the old go and embrace all God has for me today. God is calling me to higher purity and full obedience to him. We are getting ready for the biggest harvest of souls that we have ever seen.

        Blessings to you and Sarah!

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