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This makes us prize the gospel, embrace the Savior, and fly to His cross!

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This makes us prize the gospel, embrace the Savior, and fly to His cross!

(Letters of John Berridge, 1716-1793)

Dear Sir, 
In November I gathered strength enough to preach, and through mercy have continued preaching ever since. For the last month I have shared with my neighbors in a bad cold, which has kept me wheezing and coughing, and pulled me down, but not laid me up. 

Oh, how needful is the furnace, both to reveal our dross, and to purge it away! How little do we know of ourselves, of the pride, sensuality, and idolatry of our hearts–until the Lord lays us on a bed of suffering, and searches all our inward parts with His candles. My heart, I knew, was bad enough, but I scarcely thought there was half the baseness in it which I find, and yet I know not half its plague! 

How sweet is the mercy of God, and how rich is the grace of Jesus–when we have had an awful peep into our hearts! This makes us prize the gospel, embrace the Savior, and fly to His cross! At times I am so overwhelmed with the filth and mire of my nature, that I can scarcely look through it unto Jesus. And when he has put on a little of his eye-salve, and scoured the scales off my eyes–I stand amazed to think that He can touch such a leper! And yet where the sun shines clear for a season, and my dung-hill is covered with snow, I forget my leprosy, or become a leper only in notion. I think it perhaps, but do not feel it, nor am I humbled by it. What a heap of absurd contradiction is man! 

After an affliction, I think I can say with David: It is good for me to have been afflicted. I can see and feel some profit attending it. Indeed, I never grow really wiser or better, unless when I am baptized both with the Holy Spirit and with fire. If the Dove comes without a furnace, my heart is soon lifted up; pride steals in, and Heaven’s blessed beams turn everything sour within me! We learn nothing truly of ourselves, or of grace, but in a furnace.

The heaviest afflictions on this side of Hell are less, far less than my iniquities have deserved! Oh, boundless grace! The chastening rod of a reconciled Father, might have been the flaming sword of an avenging Judge! I might now have been weeping and wailing with devils and damned spirits in Hell! I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against Him. It is of His mercy alone, that I am not consumed!

All that we see within is foul, ugly and grim!

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All that we see within is foul, ugly, and grim!

(Frank Hall)

“You are complete in Him!” Colossians 2:10 

Oh desponding Christian, is not your grief caused by looking within yourself? Is not that miserable feeling of failure and disappointment, caused by your strange fixation upon your hollow heart of iniquity? You look within, hoping to find something good, something pure, something precious, something clean–but what do you see? Nothing but sin! To stare into one’s self–is to stare into a bottomless pit of despair and hopelessness! “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked!” Jeremiah 17:9

Will we ever learn this? There is nothing within us to give us hope, rest, or peace. Have we ever found anything within us that gave us joy? Of course not! Then why do we continue to stare into the darkness? All that we see within is foul, ugly, and grim! One glance within ought to sicken us. We would sooner find diamonds in a dunghill or roses growing in a sewer–than find goodness dwelling within!

In ourselves we are sinful, guilty, and vile! But bless God forever! 
Our standing before God is not in ourselves; it’s in Christ! He is . . .
  our Salvation,
  our Righteousness, 
  our Hope,
  our Holiness, and
  our Acceptance with God! 

Change the direction of your gaze–and look up! Stop staring into the empty void of your heart–and fix your eyes upon Jesus your Lord, in whom all fullness dwells. Our hope is not within, but without, seated at the right hand of the Father! Lift up your head that is bowed down with guilt and shame! Behold Christ your Savior! Behold your glorious Redeemer! Bid sorrow goodbye and fear depart! Rejoice, for “You are complete in Him!” 

Believers are perfect in Christ. To be complete in Christ is to be perfect in Christ. Perfect is not something that we will be, or strive to be–but something that we are right now, by virtue of our eternal union with God’s darling Son. 

Brothers and sisters in Christ, we are, by the free grace of God, complete in Christ our Savior! 
We lack nothing! 
All that He is–we are in Him! 
All that He has–we have in Him!
All that He has done–we’ve done in Him! 
We possess the infinite fullness of eternal life and everlasting salvation in Jesus Christ our Lord!

We are completely righteous in Him!
We are completely holy in Him!
We are completely forgiven in Him!
We are completely accepted in Him! 
We are completely, everlastingly, perfectly sinless in Him!

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus!” Hebrews 12:2 

“For every look at SELF–take ten looks at CHRIST! – Robert Murray M’Cheyne

Christ’s sympathy!

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Christ’s sympathy!

(Octavius Winslow, “The Tears of Christ”) 

“Jesus wept!” John 11:35 

The Creator of all worlds, the Author of all beings, the Upholder of the universe–raining tears of human woe and sympathy upon a grave! 

Oh, there lives not a being in the universe who can enter into our bereavements with the sympathy, the support, and the soothing of Christ! 

They were tears of sympathy. His heart was touched, deeply touched, with sympathy for the sorrow of others. He wept because the mourning sisters wept. He mingled His tears with theirs. 

This is true sympathy, “weeping with those who weep,” making their sorrow our own. How really our Lord does this with His people. So completely is He our Surety–that He takes our sins and infirmities, our trials and sorrows upon Himself, as if they were all and entirely His own. Our sins were so completely laid upon Him–that not one remains charged to the account of those who believe in Jesus. 

Our present griefs are so entirely absorbed in Him, that, 
  softened by His love,
  soothed by His sympathy,
  supported by His grace– 
the trial is welcome, 
the affliction is sweet, and 
the rod of a Father’s chastening, buds and blossoms into delectable fruit. 

Bereaved mourner, the sympathy of Christ is yours! The same Savior who wept at the grave of Bethany, now shares your grief. Do not imagine that your sorrow is isolated, or that your tears are forbidden or unseen. You have a merciful and faithful High Priest who is touched with your present calamity. 

There exists no sympathy . . .  
  so real, 
  so perceptive, 
  so deep, 
  so tender, 
  so sanctifying– 
as Christ’s sympathy

If your heavenly Father has seen it wise and good to remove from you the spring of human pity–it is but that He may draw you closer beneath the wing of Jesus’ compassion, presence and love. 

O child of sorrow, will not this suffice, that you possess Christ’s sympathy–as immeasurable and exhaustless as the ocean–as exquisite and changeless as His being! Yield your heart to His rich compassion! 

Will Jesus be regardless of what I feel, and the sorrows under which I groan? Oh no! The sigh that bursts in secret from my heart is not secret to Him; the tear that is my food day and night and drops unperceived and unknown–is known and remembered by Him! 

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses!” Hebrews 4:14-15 

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book.” Psalm 56:8

Growing in grace

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Growing in grace

(Thomas Moor, “Counsels and Thoughts for the Spiritual Life of Believers” 1882)

Remember that among your chief thoughts of the Lord Jesus, one must ever have a prominent place: that He is ever looking down upon you and watching you with tenderest love, and ordering all things for your good. 

Sometimes it is spiritual medicine, at other times it is spiritual nourishment–but at all times it is spiritual good, and just what is best for you. He sees and knows just what is best for each day and hour. So, always when you think of Him, think of Him as thus looking down upon you and ever caring for you.

The Holy Spirit is ever leading us to think of Christ and to live for Christ and continually to look to Christ.

The natural mind makes self the center, and self the end. 
The spiritual mind makes Christ the center, and Christ the end. 
The more we seek Christ, and the less we seek self–the more we please Him.

Christ is the source and end both of grace on earth and glory in Heaven. 
Grace in the heart, is glory in its beginnings. 
Glory in Heaven, is grace in its full consummation. 

Growing in grace is living more upon Christ, and living more for Christ, and growing more like Christ.

To learn of Christ and live upon Christ, is the highest experience of the soul here or hereafter!

📜 Precious Proverbs: Vomit

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Proverbs 26:11 (ESV)

Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.

My Thoughts 💭 

Wow, what an amazing word picture! Some of these proverbs just stick in your mind and heart (especially if you’ve had a dog.) It’s just so accurate and so full of His Wisdom that you can’t help but fall on your knees and ask once again for forgiveness.

 🙏 Prayer 4 2day! 

Loving Saviour, i don’t deserve the smallest of your mercies, and yet you continue to love, sustain and bless me in immeasurable ways!

Your love is blind to all of my faults, and ugly sides. I pray that You would work through me to love others compassionately and patiently. Amen.

Bring nothing but your sins and miseries!

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Bring nothing but your sins and miseries!

(Thomas Wilcox)

“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ–the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.” Philippians 3:8-9 

When you come to Christ–you must leave behind you:
  all your own righteousness,
  all your own holiness, 
  all your own sanctification,
  all your own duties, 
  all your own tears, 
  all your own repentings, etc. 
Oh, this is hard! 

You must bring nothing but your sins and miseries to Him. Otherwise, Christ is not fit for you–nor you for Christ!

📜 Precious Proverbs: The Unreliable Person

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Proverbs 25:19 (NLT)

Putting confidence in an unreliable person in times of trouble is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking on a lame foot.

My Thoughts 💭 

Ouch! We all know how much it hurts when we fail to put our trust in faithful brothers and sisters in Christ, it can really hurt us.

 🙏 Prayer 4 2day! 

Holy Father, forgive us when we’ve been the unreliable friend, help us to walk in your Spirit and show your steadfast love to others, in Jesus name, amen.

In everything give thanks!

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In everything give thanks!

(Thomas Watson, “All Things for Good”)

“We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

See what cause the saints have to be frequent in the work of thanksgiving! In this, Christians are defective; though they are much in supplication–yet they are little in thanksgiving. The apostle says. “In everything give thanks! 1 Thessalonians 5:18 

Why so? Because God makes everything work together for our good. 

We thank the physician, though he gives us a bitter medicine which makes us nauseated–because it is to make us well. We thank any man who does us a good turn; and shall we not be thankful to God–who makes everything work for good to us?

God loves a thankful Christian! Job thanked God when He took all away: “The Lord has taken away–blessed be the name of the Lord!” Job 1:21. Many will thank God when He gives; Job thanks Him when He takes away, because he knew that God would work good out of it.

We read of saints with harps in their hands–an emblem of praise. Revelation 14:2. Yet we meet many Christians who have tears in their eyes, and complaints in their mouths! But there are few with their harps in their hands–who praise God in affliction.

To be thankful in affliction–is a work peculiar to a saint. 
Every bird can sing in spring–but few birds will sing in the dead of winter! 
Everyone, almost, can be thankful in prosperity–but a true saint can be thankful in adversity! 

Well may we, in the worst that befalls us, have a psalm of thankfulness–because God works all things together for our good. Oh, be much in giving thanks to God!

   ~  ~  ~  ~

And did the Holy and the Just,
The Sovereign of the skies,
Stoop down to wretchedness and dust,
That guilty worms might rise?

Yes, the Redeemer left His throne,
His radiant throne on high,
(Surprising mercy! love unknown!)
To suffer, bleed, and die!

He took the dying traitor’s place,
And suffered in his stead;
For man (O miracle of grace!)
For man, the Savior bled!

Dear Lord, what heavenly wonders dwell
In Your atoning blood!
By this are sinners snatched from Hell, 
And rebels brought to God!

What glad return can I impart
For favors so divine?
O take my all, this worthless heart,
And make it wholly Thine!

   Anne Steele, 1859

📜 Precious Proverbs: Honey

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Proverbs 24:13 (NLT)

My child, eat honey, for it is good, and the honeycomb is sweet to the taste.

My Thoughts 💭 

Each time i read this proverb i think of my lovely wife Sarah. When she has a bad hypo and her blood sugar goes really low (she has type 1 diabetes – T1D), Sarah always has a piece of toast with local honey on the top. Honey is good and it’s definitely sweet to the taste! 😀 

The Bible, the Word of God!

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The Bible, the Word of God!

(John Mason’s Spiritual Sayings)

The Word of God must be . . .
  nearer to us than our friends, 
  dearer to us than our lives, 
  sweeter to us than our liberty, and 
  pleasanter to us than all earthly comforts.


Take the candle of God’s Word and search the corners of your heart.


We speak to God in prayer.
God speaks to us in His Word.


All arguments against the Word of God are fallacies; 
  all ideas against the Word are delusions; 
  all derision against the Word is folly; and 
  all opposition against the Word is madness.


When God threatens, that’s a time to repent; 
when He promises, that’s a time to believe; 
when He commands, that’s a time to obey.


If a man believed the threatenings of the Word of God, 
he would tremble and fly to the promises for refuge.hrist came out of His Father’s bosom, so
the promises came out of Christ’s riven side.

📜 Precious Proverbs: A Fool

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Proverbs 23:9 (ESV)

Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words.

🙏 Prayer 4 2day! 

Oh be merciful to me a sinner! 

The devil’s old delusion!

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The devil’s old delusion!

(J.C. Ryle, “The Gospel of Luke” 1858)

“John said to the crowds coming out to be baptized by him: You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire!” Luke 3

We have, in these verses, a specimen of John the Baptist’s ministry. It is a portion of Scripture which should always be especially interesting to a Christian mind.

We should first mark the holy boldness with which John addresses the multitudes who came to his baptism. He speaks to them as a “brood of vipers!” He saw the rottenness and hypocrisy of the profession which the crowd around him were making, and uses language descriptive of their case. 
His head was not turned by popularity. 
He did not care who was offended by his words.
The spiritual disease of those before him was desperate, and of long standing–and he knew that desperate diseases need strong remedies!

Well would it be for the Church of Christ, if it possessed more plain speaking ministers in our days–like John the Baptist. 

A morbid dislike to strong language; 
an excessive fear of giving offence; 
a constant flinching from directness and plain speaking–
are, unhappily, too much the characteristics of the modern Christian pulpit. 

Uncharitable language is no doubt always to be deprecated. But there is no charity . . .
  in flattering unconverted people, 
  in abstaining from any mention of their vices, 
  or in applying smooth names to damnable sins! 

There are two texts which are too much forgotten by Christian preachers. In one it is written, “Woe unto you when all men shall speak well of you.” Luke 6:26. In the other it is written, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men–or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were trying to please men–I would not be Christ’s servant.” Galatians 1:10

We should mark, also–how plainly John speaks to his hearers about HELL and danger! 
He tells them that there is a “coming wrath!” 
He speaks of “the ax” of God’s judgment–and of unfruitful trees being “thrown into the fire!”

The subject of HELL is always offensive to human nature. The minister who dwells much upon it–must expect to find himself regarded as barbaric, violent, unfeeling and narrow-minded! 

Men love to hear “smooth things,” and to be told of peace, and not of danger. Isaiah 30:10 

But the subject of Hell is one that ought not to be kept back, if we desire to do good to souls. It is one that our Lord Jesus Christ brought forward frequently in His public teachings. That loving Savior, who spoke so graciously of the way to Heaven–has also used the plainest language about the way to Hell.

Let us beware of being wise above that which is written, and more charitable than Scripture itself. Let the language of John the Baptist be deeply engraved on our hearts. Let us never be ashamed to avow our firm belief, that there is a “coming wrath” for the impenitent; and that it is possible for a man to be lost, as well as to be saved. 

To be silent on the subject–is dreadful treachery to men’s souls. It only encourages them to persevere in wickedness, and fosters the devil’s old delusion in their minds, “You shall not surely die!” Genesis 3:4

That minister is surely our best friend–who tells us honestly of danger, and warns us, like John the Baptist, to “flee from the wrath to come!”

Never will a man flee–until he sees that there is real cause to be afraid. 
Never will he seek Heaven–until he is convinced that he is on his way to Hell. 

The religion in which there is no mention of Hell–is not the religion of John the Baptist, or of our Lord Jesus and His apostles!

📜 Precious Proverbs: Deep Pit

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Proverbs 22:14 (ESV)

The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit; he with whom the LORD is angry will fall into it.

My Thoughts 💭 

Coming from a broken home and being brought up with the life long radiation fallout of this…Love is whatever affection you can grab, and women where objectified. The Lord was certainly angry at me and my lifestyle and being trapped in pit after pit…

But God who is rich in love and mercy reached down and saved me. His Word was a sharp sword that cut straight through my soul and showed me what His true love is, and working through my lovely wife Sarah to show, teach and grow to be a husband fit for a princess! 😀 🙏🏻

The way to do good is to amuse people!

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The way to do good is to amuse people!

(J.C. Ryle, 1884)
 
A great change has taken place in the last forty years. A quantity of church work is continually being carried on both by clergymen and laymen, which, however well-meant, can hardly be called Christian–and in reality has a painful tendency to throw true Christian work into the background, if not to throw it entirely out! 

No one, for instance, can fail to observe that a large number of professors are spending all their time and strength on church music, church decorations, church programs, and an incessant round of church attractions. Others are equally absorbed in social work, feeding the poor, and improved dwellings for everyone. Others are incessantly getting up popular concerts, secular lectures, and evening recreations. They proclaim everywhere, that the way to do good is to amuse people!

Others are always occupied with secular guilds, and societies, and associations–and think you very wrong and heathenish if you do not join them. Myriads of professors are restlessly busy about such things from one end of the land to the other; and superficial observers are often saying, “What a great deal of church-work there is in these days!”

Now I would not for a moment be supposed to mean that all the things I have just mentioned are wrong and wicked. Yet I doubt whether the present state of things is altogether healthy. I doubt whether the work of the Holy Spirit on hearts and consciences, is not insensibly being left out in the cold and neglected. Amidst the incessant hustle and bustle about matters of entirely secondary importance–I doubt whether the sort of direct spiritual work to which the Apostles wholly gave themselves, receives as much attention as it ought. 

It is quite certain that musical services, and church decorations, and concerts, and bazaars, and social work, and the like–will not save souls. 

It is equally certain that, without repentance, and faith, and holy living, and practical, self-denying, kindly charity–no one is fit for Heaven. Do these simple, old-fashioned graces fill the place which they ought to do, in the daily proceedings of many so-called church-workers in this day? I confess I doubt it exceedingly. 

I certainly see on every side a vast increase of what people call “church-work.” But there is little or no increase of true religion. There undoubtedly is more show and glitter and display. But I extremely doubt whether there is more spiritual reality, and more growth of practical godliness.

📜 Precious Proverbs: Tongue

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Proverbs 21:23 (ESV)

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

My Thoughts 💭 

Wow, i know all about this one. Who can tame the tongue?! Oh help us Jesus, Amen!  🙏🏻

Comfort, safety, strength, holiness!

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Comfort, safety, strength, holiness!

(George Everard, “Talks about Home Life” 1878)

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are.” Hebrews 4:15 

There is no comfort, but in Christ’s bosom.

There is no safety, but by Christ’s side.

There is no strength, but in Christ’s arm.

There is no holiness, but in Christ’s footsteps.

Look up and see Christ, the merciful and gracious Savior, bending over you in most tender compassion. 
He is very near to you. He marks . . .
  each sigh, 
  each desire, 
  each tear, 
  each prayer. 
He thinks upon and sympathizes with you.

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with  confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 

📜 Precious Proverbs: Not Wise

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Proverbs 20:1 (ESV)

Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.

My Thoughts 💭 

Living in England(and probably your country too?), you grow up learning that drinking alcohol isn’t just a pasttime, it’s a national sport and essential to be cool. How deceitful is sin and the world?! 

One of my fave quotes is: “I would not put a thief in my mouth to steal my brains.” ― William Shakespeare

Let’s thank God today for his Truth and Wisdom that never changes…It changes us! 😀 

They are so dear to Him, that He cannot take His eyes off them!

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They are so dear to Him, that He cannot take His eyes off them!

(Charles Spurgeon)

“The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous.
 His ears are open unto their cry.” Psalm 34:15

The Lord observes His redeemed people with approval and tender consideration. They are so dear to Him, that He cannot take His eyes off them! He watches each one of them as carefully and intently, as if there were only that one creature in the whole universe!

Thus the Lord’s eyes and ears are both turned upon His saints. His whole mind is occupied with them. If they are slighted by all others–they are never neglected by Him. He hears their cry at once, even as a mother is sure to hear her sick babe. The cry may be broken, plaintive or feeble–yet the Father’s quick ear catches each note of lament or appeal, and He is quick to answer His children’s voice!

“The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right,
 and His ears are 
attentive to their prayers.” 1 Peter 3:12 

Lest we awake to find that we are paupers forevermore!

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Lest we awake to find that we are paupers forevermore!

(J.C. Ryle)

“Only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42 

We should observe what a high commendation our Lord Jesus Christ pronounced on Mary’s choice. There was a deep meaning in these words. They were spoken not only for Mary’s sake, but for the sake of all Christ’s believing people in every part of the world. They were meant to encourage all true Christians . . .
  to be single-eyed and whole-hearted,
  to follow the Lord fully, 
  to walk closely with God,
  to make soul-business immeasurably their first business, and
  to think comparatively little of the things of this fleeting world.

The true Christian’s portion is the grace of God. It is the only good thing which is substantial, satisfying, real, and lasting. The grace of God is . . .
  better in sickness–and better in health,
  better in youth–and better in old age,
  better in adversity–and better in prosperity,
  better in life–and better in death,
  better in time–and better in eternity. 
No circumstance and no position can be imagined, in which it is not better for man to have the grace of God.

The true Christian’s possession shall never be taken from him. 
He alone, of all mankind, shall never be stripped of his inheritance. 
Kings must one day leave their palaces.
Rich men must one day leave their money and lands–they only hold them until they die. 

But the poorest saint on earth has a treasure of which he will never be deprived. The grace of God, and the favor of Christ–are riches which no man can take from him. They will go with him to the grave when he dies. They will rise with him in the resurrection morning, and be his to all eternity!

What do we know of this “better part” which Mary chose? Have we chosen it for ourselves? Can we say with truth that it is ours? Let us never rest until we can. Let us choose life, while Christ offers it to us without money and without price. Let us seek treasure in Heaven–lest we awake to find that we are paupers forevermore!

📜 Precious Proverbs: He Who Finds

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Proverbs 18:22 (ESV)

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

My Thoughts 💭 

Amen! Wow this jumps out at me every time i read Proverbs 18. For you who know about my lovely wife Sarah and have read “My Testimony“, will understand why i wrap this around my heart and thank God every day for Sarah! Although Sarah found me, lol. 😀 

📜 Precious Proverbs: The Crucible

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Proverbs 17:3 (ESV)

The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the LORD tests hearts.

“I’ve never seen so clearly since going blind” 20 Years Of Sight-loss!

Me playing my Taylor K22ce at church and in front of a cross on the wall

Hi friends. As it is 20 years to the day since i went blind…I thought i’d share one of my older posts(yet updated) from 4 years ago when i was asked to share a little of what i went through when i lost my sight at 24.

I really hope that you’ll have the time to read it, and that it blesses you in some small way?! 

Here Goes…

I was asked by our Minister Nik if i would share my Testimony in the parade service. The theme was ‘Faith through Adversity’, Nik said “i can ask you some straight forward questions, it will only take about 5 minutes(or so we thought)” “Yeah, ok, if you think it will help?”.

Sunday 8th May 2016…

Walking into the church building Sunday morning, it was quite full, as it was parade service, the scouts and other uniformed groups were there, but Nik found us seats at the front, then showed me up the steps and where i’d stand to speak, after testing the microphone i remembered the steps and sat back down. 

As i’m blind, i can’t use any notes, so i spent a little time trying to etch some answer headings into my mind, hoping i’d not veer too far off track. I then prayed that i’d use this time to Glorify Him, as i talked about the Truth that sets us free, and how i’m not ashamed of the Gospel, it’s the power of God unto Salvation to all who believe…please make it real(be careful praying this, lol).

It;s time…

Steve, we are looking at people who have showed faith in difficult circumstances and I have asked you to share some of your story with us.

Many people here, even those who have seen you around at various church events may not know that you are blind.

My Testimony…

Nik stood next to me at the microphone and started with the first 2 questions:

Have you always been blind? How and when did you loose your sight?

I explained i’d been fully sighted until i was 24, and after 2 brain haemorrhages(March – July 2000) that burst my optic nerve, i’m now registered blind and have Severe Hypertensive Retinopathy.

“How did that change your life?”

I said “I can only scratch the surface this morning, but if ever you see me walking around here or in town, please ask me anything. But now i’ll try and sketch you a quick picture and give you a flavour of what happened…”

“I went to the gym 6-7 days a week, played football most evenings and was quite violent, acting the tough guy.  I wasn’t a Christian, i hadn’t been born again, or even been inside a church building…so…As i stepped out of the eye consultants office after being told i’d be blind for the rest of my life, it was out of character but i collapsed on the floor sobbingg my eyes out. And as my crying out got a little too loud they pulled me into a small empty room….And this was the easy bit”.

“Following this was pure isolation… all my football mates left me, i lost my job, my car and ability to do anything…i lost everything, i was completely broken, and on top of that i was left to my acusing thoughts “Nobody wants you, you’re useless now, unwanted, rejected, unloved and unlovable!!”

Suddenly, as i was telling my story…

My mouth was silenced, an image of Jesus in Glory(Revelation 1) filled my mind, it was so clear(not blurred by my blindness) I could see His flaming eyes of judgment…then…the image changed, it was Jesus on the cross, now His eyes were filled with Mercy, Compassion & Grace, and while looking down straight at me he said “I did this for you, so that you can live. I…LOVE…YOU!!!

I started sobbing uncontrollably, and it took a couple of minutes for me to try and start talking again….but more sobbing…i was completely undone. But these tears were different!

I already knew He’d given His life so i could live. He’d come down so far to save me it is immeasurable. His blood washed me clean, white as snow. He’s forgiven me all my sins, past, present and future, and there is no more condemnation for me, it is finished!

I’d been  praying for so long for God to “Break my heart for what broke His” and sang the songs many times, but rarely had i caught a glimpse of the true cost of His Love, and His free gift of Grace to those who Repent and Believe in Him. I knew He wanted me to share the True Gospel to people listening(and now reading), as it alone is the only Hope. It is the Power of God unto Salvation for anyone that believes.

Still sobbing, i continued…

My every word was a different pitch but i said “My pit was so dark, my accusing thoughts were too heavy, and this led to a daily cycle of waking up and trying to kill myself…failing, which made me feel worse…then drinking so much i could drown them out for the rest of the day, until i woke the next day, then it started again. 

I didn’t have the strength to kill myself, and i didn’t have the strength to live…i was without God, and without Hope!

Nik, who’s hand was rested on my shoulder asked question 4 “I know you were deeply unhappy at the time, what changed that?”

The world followed it’s pattern and sent me to Counselling, then Psychotherapy & finally Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, they didn’t work, they all had no answer for me, they couldn’t reach far enough down to pull me out. I needed a Saviour, I needed the light of the Gospel! 

The Good News & Lovely Sarah

Meeting Sarah changed my life! I have no idea how she’s put up with me. She’s  been so patient and long suffering as i tried attacking her Faith and this Jesus! But she kept on loving me. Sarah always seemed to have a rock to stand on no matter how bad things got for her, and i was being dragged deeper into the sinking sand. She always had this Blessed Hope that i didn’t,

Jesus worked through Sarah to shine the light of the Gospel, the Good News i was dying for. 

Words failed me as i was trying to describe how much i love Sarah, so when my mind filled with thoughts of how far we’ve grown together in love…i broke down again. 

The sobbing was still making me pause every few words, but mentioned Jesus doesn’t want to see anyone perish, but he pursues you, He has come to seek and save that which is lost. He loves you and no matter how bad or hopeless you think you are, He’ll keep coming with His free gift of Salvation!

Nik asked Question 5 “some people would say that your life must be worse now, would you agree with them?”

I’d gone way over my time slot, and i was almost pulled away from the mic as i was so overwhelmed…BUT i knew these tears were not about me, or my losses. I had 1 focus and that was to share the Truth that sets us free. I had no feeling of sorrow or pain. I knew it must have seemed like this to the congregation, and i thought they’d stick me in a counselling room when i’d finished!

The Holy Spirit was filling me like never before, and made the Power of the Gospel so real to me i almost exploded.

I continued “I wouldn’t agree with anyone who thinks(or measures) life by how good our circumstances are. I’d lead them to 2 Corinthians 4 & 5 where it talks about living by Faith, not by Sight, and now that we are born again in the Spirit, we should walk by the Spirit. Not living for things that are seen which are temporary(like my sight loss), but living for the unseen which is Eternal”

“I used to hate this song, but now i’d play it every service if i could…have you heard Amazing Grace, the Chris Tomlin version? If you pass me in the street you’ll normally hear me singing or humming these words:”

“Amazing grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind, but now I see. My chains are gone I’ve been set free. My God, my Saviour has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns. Unending love, amazing grace”.

“I’ve never seen so clearly since going blind” This is one of my fave sayings. 😀 

Nik then walked me back to my seat next to Sarah. The church was completely silent, it had been silent since i first started sobbing. I could feel Sarah was upset as she didn’t react for a while, then she said “People kept on running up and passing me tissues”. Nik sat down next to Sarah, and Sarah said “You’re not borrowing him again to speak”. 

After the service people came over and said they really connected with the things i said, although i think everyone thinks i’m back in dark depression again, lol.

He showed me the reality and Power of transformation in His Gospel, and how vital it is to share it, as Jesus is the  Way, the Truth and the Life and no-one gets to  the Father but by Him. He’s the forgiver of Sins, breaker of chains, and the only Salvation for Eternal Life in Heaven.

John 3:14-21 New King James Version (NKJV)

14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, 15 that whoever believes in Him should not perish but[a] have eternal life. 16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

18 “He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. 19 And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20 For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. 21 But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.”

I felt i needed to share this post to try and explain a little more of what was happening to me, and maybe reach out to someone who is struggling with the creeping death called Depression,or who is just simply lost and without God, and without Hope.

Related Post: My Full Testimony