Now my addiction has moved on from the prior; no longer in denial
Still with life altering habits but not faltering; no longer a buyer
Untangling the barbed wire, I found something higher
Before the consequences were dire but now – like Friar Tuck I’m in simple attire

I was preoccupied with an immediate gratifier
A modifier of truth – so I would perspire, call my supplier
Surrender my entire mind to a filthy liar
His words seemed to inspire me – but all they brought was fire

My feelings were twisted; used like pliers to remove my hearts desires
I got life-jacked by a beast; I was an occupier
Of a broken mind; my freedom was for hire
I had admired evil but now I know his style

On that road my wisdom got a flat tyre
Set to expire; I was a fake like Mrs Doubtfire
But I…

Who Am I?

I am a Christian – I thought I always was but my behaviour certainly didn’t say so. Maybe I am the opposite of one of the people John talks about in 1 John 2:19:

“They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.”

I was outside and refusing to come in for some reason, probably because I thought I was already there. Anyway, I am in now and I’m staying so I guess that means I always belonged!

I am also a husband and a father. I have a son from a previous relationship (the best son you could ever wish for) and a step-son (also amazing). I am a Street Pastor in the UK. I am a member…

How could I have got here; been tricked
Punched and kicked – now I feel sick
Why didn’t you tell me that you would take me
Twist me and make me do things that would break me

You said ‘this is good’; not that you would hold me
Grip me and mould me, secretly building the power to fold me
Now where do I go; is there still life to find
How do I think when you’ve stolen my mind

I’m lost – but the road was well marked
The signs they lied, saying ‘this is the way’ but now it’s so dark
There is no light here, just thickest emptiness
Is anything left for me; I couldn’t have less

I can’t leave you; a battered wife
I need you – but you’re killing my life
Somehow we’re connected; your evil in my soul
You have infected my spirit and…

Someone new
You meet – exchange some words
There’s nothing wrong
No sense of danger

You talk without thinking
Conversation flows
Before long friendship lives
Deep inside, unseen, unnoticed, things are connecting

Soon you are comfortable
Still unaware
You are happy, or
Still tidy; you hair has been brushed

Now a new thought has spoken
Things are ok, aren’t they?
This friend is to taking you
To places you’re not sure you like

It starts moving faster
Or has it been gradual all along
You’re so angry
But you don’t seem to care

You were only doing what you wanted
Isn’t liberty a good thing
You know you have been deceived
Has your freedom killed itself

Tell me
How much sex do you need
Until you have enough
So you can hear its voice saying
I won’t fulfil your life

Tell me
How much pain do you need
Until you have enough
So you can hear its voice saying
Something is wrong here

Tell me
How much money do you need
Until you have enough
So you can hear its voice saying
I don’t love you

Tell me
How much proof do you need
Until you have enough
So you can hear its voice saying
There must be another Way

If you thought yesterday was bad
Let me tell you some more
Although if you told me to listen
I probably wouldn’t

You see:

If someone tells me
Something’s wrong
I say
Don’t be stupid

When they tell me
Everything’s alright
I find something
That isn’t

If they tell me
I can’t have something
I’ll probably take it
Or get my own

But if they say
I can have it or even – I need it
That’s the last thing
I’m going to get

I doubt the truth
But I believe lies

The more I want to stop doing certain things
The more I seem to crave them

I remember to forget
The things I don’t want to do
But I forget to remember
What got me into that situation in the first place
So I carry on

I have compassion for bad people
That I don’t know
But if…

When I was young and foolish
I thought I was so clever
Now I’m wiser
I think I’m stupid

Calm people make me angry
Tiredness keeps me awake
I’m blinded by the things I see
I tell lies to be true to myself

Hunger makes me lose my appetite
Money makes me poor
Strength makes me weak
Problems make me positive

When I didn’t know God
How I needed Him
Now he’s with me
We hardly speak

I see impending doom – but I’m optimistic

Someone once told me I was full of contradiction
They’re probably right

A woman’s figure is absolutely powerful. It has the ability to completely intoxicate a man. It is one of the most beautiful sights that has been beheld on the face of the earth. It is sacred, and therefore should be treated as such.

In this section of Crystalina Evert’s “Pure Womanhood,” the main topic is modesty. She describes how dressing inappropriately will attract men who are interested in only one thing.

Women have power. By the way we dress, by the way we dance, and by the way we carry ourselves, we can invite a man to be a gentleman or a beast. So if a girl wants a guy to appreciate her intelligence and personality, she’s probably better off not distracting him with her pierced belly-button (pg 4-5).

Crystalina then poses an intriguing question: “What do I really want? Is it more exciting to be loved by one man…

They call you quarantined
You were so passive
Building on unstable ground
There was no motive
To turn your life around
You were a native
Of this land; destruction-bound
Just another captive
Until you ran aground
Now you’re really thinking

They call you realigned
You needed to be found
What could make you active
Pull you from the background
Something had to give
You had to hear the sound
That brings you to the truth
That’s where freedom’s found
In the life that you can live
Now you’re really thinking

They call you one of us
You think you’ve been so dumb
But that’s the story of mankind
The place we all come from
Good has always been maligned
To evil we’ve succumbed
The road to danger seems so kind
A golden coloured slum
That’s why we fall behind
Now you’re thinking

They call you many things
Your strength was undermined
Through solid water you have swum
And you have been refined
You wanted strength; Now you’ve got some
It’s time to break the bind
There’s a new tune that your life can strum
I’m sure that you will find
This is just one track on your album
You’re ready for the climb
Now you’re thinking

They call you hollow man
A mist of lies
Descended on your world
You bought a magic trick
Slight of hand
You didn’t see; he touched your mind
Still you – but just an image now
A barren tree
So many branches – beautiful
But each one dead
That’s your life
You’re still broken

They call you wasted youth
Lost everything
To a conman
Dressed in pure white
He sold you clouds
But they’ve never rained
All they contain
Are whispered lies
That fall onto your life
And so you listen
That what happens in this fallen world
You’re still broken

They call you black and white
You fell from grace
Colour stolen from your face
A lifeless figure took your place
A map of what you used to be
And could have been
Is standing in your life
That’s the story of this messed up land
Poison draws you…

They call you smithereens
You tripped over a lie
That day you fell apart
Your head was held so high
You thought you were so smart
Reaching to the sky
That was your weakest part
That’s why you didn’t cry
When he crushed your heart
Now you’re broken

They call you perfect mess
Falling for the bad guy
Deception is his art
Truth is never his reply
Covers words with golden dirt
Intention is for you to buy
A one way ticket to depart
Forever waiting just to die
Fish that took the blackest fly
Now you’re broken

They call you chequered flag
They say the end has come
Distracted by your damaged mind
Your perception was so numb
Your love for him had made you blind
Now look what you’ve become
All your days have been defined
By the rhythm of his drum
Your life is so confined
Now…

If I hear one more person say, “I can’t help it; it’s just the way I was raised” my next post will be from the confines of my holding cell at the county courthouse seeking bail money for “involuntary face smacking”!

I am well aware that your up-bringin’ plays a major role in what kind of adult you will become.  At some point though you have to stop riding on the coattails of mom and dad and be responsible for your own behavior.

So Mom was an alcoholic and was never there for you because she was face down in the pillow 18 hours a day.  Are you going to dive head first in the nearest bottle and drown your sorrows, setting the same,  shining example in front of your kids or are you going to learn from her mistakes?

Dad was a violent man who beat anything and everything…

I don’t want to go on and on, like the gossip in hair salon
Just want to empty my heart of this God given burden
To try and explain with words the invisible world that is hurting us like Genghis Kahn
This is real life; so much rubbish has gone on, we have a duty to try and understand what’s going on

Like it or not, we’ve got to face the fact something really is wrong
Who could imagine the things that go on, everyday while we all look on
Helpless, cause our hands are tied by money; or, if not, tell me what has come upon
Us – to make us behave like Don Juan- these words are strong but it’s been far too long

So what is this invisible breeze that’s blustering and flustering
Our minds, so we are covering the world with such a mix of evil…

Tell me brethren, are you bothering to listen to this pondering
Money, if you were wandering, doesn’t exist aside from our accounting
A great system but effectively amounting to a tool we use for squandering
Our futures and laundering dirty wealth so the unjust can go on prospering

What I’m trying to say is this currency isn’t real, but somehow we use it to steal
The futures of so many people; wheel and deal real lives cause they sell themselves for a single meal
Tell me; why don’t we hold the same zeal to undo this raw-deal
As the feeling we conceal for stainless-steel exhausts, high-heeled shoes and alloy wheels

The world is full of numbers on computers and paper telling you who is greater
Not a reflection of true labour or a list of good behaviour
Just a dictator of who gets what; a blessing calculator
Not love your…

Help me understand – Does it exist, this paper promised land
Just because you can hold it in your hand; slips through like sand
Green and white rectangles; the numbers say ‘five hundred grand’
But when I got there, at the checkpoint as planned – it was empty, unmanned

Still, it’s loved by everyone – you and me – replaced trust long ago as human currency
Money brings life – freedom to move for those with fiscal fluency
You work, get paid; that’s great – but how did we build a system where prosperity
Is strictly a minority, half the world is starving in the shadow of our obesity – that is heresy

We scrap purity for piracy, mutter incoherently about our needs for security
All the time our dependency on getting what we want is growing – line our nest, forget the rest – No parody
My dog needs…

Countryside
Trees and fields
Rivers running into oceans
Nature working; a world that is alive
So much life

Humans
Changing what they want to
Landscaping truth to meet desires
For better – or for worse
Definitely changing

Spirit world
Purest life in Freedom’s hand
Perfect in simplicity and trust
Relationships; sharing love together
So much life

People
Changing things because they can
Re-routing streams of living water
Paving over morals – Concreting over life
Now it’s different

Future
Twisted world; damaged hearts and minds
Destruction taking over
Cause we chase it – like it’s a good thing
That’s not life

Jesus Christ
He is different; He’s not normal
You love Him or you hate Him
But He’s the One – He’s the answer; if you want it
Bringing Life

Tiredness has become my unwanted friend
My stay-awake soul mate
He dulls my days – bores me
And keeps me up at night
How can he do that
It doesn’t make sense but I’m too far gone to think
He moves my thoughts and ideas
And hides them, just out of range
He took my ability to remember quite how long he’s been here
It feels like ages but I don’t care
He stole that as well – my frustration and my patience
I used to have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other
Now I’m not sure – I can’t be bothered to look
I just want him gone
But I can’t seem to stop feeding him
Is this a vicious circle
Who would think that tiredness was so active
So voracious – unrelenting and in my face
On my face; written in darkened lines

After we have lived this life that we continually choose to make, in spite of so much good advice

After all those choices, given in love – have been snatched by broken hands and thrown in Wisdom’s face – and Wisdom, being what She Is, turned them around and used them for our good

After pride and envy and greed and every other destructive thing have finally shown themselves for what they really are

After the last hiding place of every evil motive has been revealed by the acts of all the players in this game of life and death

After lies told have travelled far enough to reach the place from where they first were born

After we have journeyed through arid deserts and scorched our feet on the smoking shards of every broken promise

After we have paid the price – the debts of those we never knew…

During darkness, there is light
During weakness, there is might

During suffering, there is peace
During anger, there is release

During worry, there is thought
During sorrow, change is wrought

During destruction, there is building
During breaking, there is moulding

During chaos, there is meaning
During tears, there is weaning

During despair, there is yearning
During error, there is learning

During poverty, there is wealth
During sickness, we find health

During disaster, there is always hope
During all things, with Him we will cope

During this world, He looks down from above
During all our mistakes, there is God and God is Love